| WHEW.
I feel like I finally have some time to myself after these past few months of hectic chaos!!!
Where do I begin?
Aside from obvious work issues, other things have been going pretty well I suppose.
Summer sucks that it is passing by so quickly without me really spending much time with my friends on the beach the lake or what not...sniff sniff.
But hey, what can I say? We're all busy people. I feel that once you begin working, summer doesn't really feel like the summer that is used to. Those lazy days where you would while away your hours with TV or the internets without a care in the world except what to wear on your first day back to school to impress people!
Now however, the summer just seems to be the same as any other season, month, week, or day...except a bit hotter. It's a bit sad I suppose, it's us growing up and being adults and having lives outside of school. I feel that everyone is so busy and caught up in their lives that it's hard to take a moment to appreciate those around you, the environment, your family, your life.
I suppose this is the rat race we have all been trained to run since kindergarten.
The thing is, I don't know if any of you know, but I have been so down and depressed for the past year or so. Mainly because I feel that my job is going nowhere and I feel so dead end ya know? Finally however, things picked up a bit around March when I realized what it was that I really wanted out of life and I took that first step towards it.
I have been so busy these past few months juggling school, volunteering, working until 8pm 3 times a week, AND applying for jobs on top of all that, that I wish I could have an extra 8 hrs a day to spend with family, friends, and myself.
But unfortunately, we do not have 32 hrs in a day.
I look around me and I see all my friends going through the same thing. Lily with her crazy dragonboating, working, and schooling (I still do NOT know how you do all that), Viv with her work and ultimate, and well, I guess Lisa and Jules with Education taking most of their spare time!
I really do miss those days where we could get together for bbt at the drop of a hat without any further worries of waking up at 6am to go to work (or working until 9pm so you have to miss out on bbt).
*sigh*
But this is the life we lead in order to get to where we are.
Although I do miss hanging out with my good buds, at the same time, I am starting to really enjoy where I am right now in life. For ONCE in a very long time. Just recently, one of my projects at BCIT got picked up and our group is now in charge of organizing an event for CanoeKayak BC...which is pretty exciting actually!
In the months to come, I will definitely have even less time to spend with people what with this new project, but you know what? Isn't it worth it to know that I am finally taking a big step towards my ultimate goal in life?
I have gone through so many ups and downs in the years since university, so much so that I am so ashamed to really talk to anyone about my true feelings of inadequacy. And it really hurts when I have fingers pointing at me and saying hurtful things like I don't care about my friendships. The opposite is true. I ALWAYS think of my friends, and I ALWAYS wonder what they are up to, but I may not have the time to vocally express this (without seeming needy and stalker like of course). I really hope people do not think I am shutting them out, when all I am doing is just trying to press the reset button on my whole life and put it into order IKEA style.
For once in my life I am getting my act together and accomplishing goals I never thought I could do. And as my friends, I would hope that they would understand my ambitions and how hard I work at trying to achieve these goals. Things have been so bad lately that it only adds salt to my wounds if I do not have my supportive friends at my side. It's already tough enough to be so busy, to be a hermit, work like a dog, study like a dog, volunteer like a crazy tree hugger, and NOT enjoy my summer with my friends...but on top of all that, I really don't need people ignoring me or treating me any different because I am finally doing what I want to do.
There are very few people in this world that I would consider so close that they are a part of my family. And as a member of my extended family, I treat them with the same respect I would hope to receive. I always understand if people are busy, running their own lives, and don't necessarily have the time for me. I understand because I know they are under a LOT of stress and I really don't need to add fuel to the flame. And because I love them, I will always be supportive and I will always be there for them, NO MATTER WHAT.
I just wish I got the same treatment back sometimes.
Sometimes, life just deals you with hardballs (hardballs being miscommunication or lack thereof). You just have to know how to juggle those balls (hehe) and tell your story to the best of your ability and hope against all hope that people will trust you. Because when have you ever lied or compromised your integrity?
Think about it.
I will now leave you with a song that pretty much sums up my jumbled up thoughts. Enjoy!
EVERYBODY'S GOT A STORY
By: Amanda Marshall
You walk up to me and say,
I feel like I know you baby
And then take a sip of your cherry coke,
Now, now who drinks a cherry coke
Maybe you notice
I see that bead of sweat dancing on your cheek
Your words are like a cheap champagne,
I get the point, but it's much too sweet
I'm so tired of the dance,
This carousel of superficial conversation
Gets me nowhere
So you can see my bra, underneath my shirt,
Watch the wind, underneath my skirt,
But that ain't the picture it's just a part,
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart.
See my eyes, don't see what I see.
Touch my tongue, don't know what tastes good to me.
It's the human condition that keeps us apart,
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart.
Now who can read the mind of the red-headed girl next door,
Or the taxi
driver, who just dropped you off,
Or the classmate that you ignore.
Don't assume everything on the surface is what you see,
'Cause that classmate just lost her mother,
And that taxi driver's got a Ph-d.
I'm so tired of the fear
That weighs us down with wrong assumptions
A broken heart's a natural function
So you can see my bra, underneath my shirt,
Watch the wind, underneath my skirt,
But that ain't the picture it's just a part,
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart.
See my eyes, don't see what I see.
Touch my tongue, don't know what tastes good to me.
It's the human condition that keeps us apart,
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart.
So you can see my bra, underneath my shirt,
Watch the wind, underneath my skirt,
But that ain't the picture it's just a part,
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart.
So dig deep, (dig deep)
Deeper than the image that you see, (dig deep)
Lift up, feel, and let your true self breathe, (dig deep)
Show the world the beauty of belief (belief)
See my bra, underneath my shirt,
Watch the wind, underneath my skirt,
But that ain't the picture it's just a part,
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart.
See my eyes, don't see what I see.
Touch my tongue, don't know what tastes good to me.
It's the human condition that keeps up apart,
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart.
See my bra, underneath my shirt,
Watch the wind, underneath my skirt,
But that ain't the picture it's just a part,
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart.
See my eyes, don't see what I see.
Touch my tongue, don't know what tastes good to me.
(touch my tongue and don't know what tastes good to me)
The human condition that keeps up apart,
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart.
that could break your heart, baby
everybody's got a story, oh yea
la la la la la la
la la la la la la
la la la la da da da
na na na na na na na na Word of the day:
Perception
noun | 1. | the act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding. |
| 2. | immediate
or intuitive recognition or appreciation, as of moral, psychological,
or aesthetic qualities; insight; intuition; discernment: an artist of rare perception. |
| 3. | the result or product of perceiving, as distinguished from the act of perceiving; percept. |
| 4. | Psychology. a single unified awareness derived from sensory processes while a stimulus is present. |
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